pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
