decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
