So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
