Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
