i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
