So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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