why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
