so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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