In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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