shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
