i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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