I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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