drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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