plz talk dirty to me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
