I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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