Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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