I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Randomize
