i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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