I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
