I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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