Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
