I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i think my cat just said my name.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
