..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
