and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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