I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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