Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
