I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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