I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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