They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
