yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Randomize
