dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
