i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
