I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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