chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
