im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Bring me that man meat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
