we made out on top of his cat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
