It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
