roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
