just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm at about main and main street
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
