I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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