Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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