I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize