We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
