Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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