he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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