The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
