yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
