I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
