i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
