End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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